26 Nov
Do I Taste Bitterness? Yes, Much!
I am not feeling as bitter as I had been on Shabbat evening, thanks very much in part to a great conversation with Sidharth over MSN that same night when he reminded me to give thanks for everything, the good and the bad.
What am I bitter about?
Well, you see, my boss decided on the Friday after I returned from my stint in the reserves that my sales figures have been less than impressive for the past 5 months and she’ll have to let me go in view of the fact that they now need more engineers to complete the major project (worth some S$250,000) that I was hired to manage.
I joined the company in June and my position was two-fold — to bring in sales and to manage this account which the company admitted was its biggest account to date in its seven-year history.
And because they saw my role as more of a sales position, they decided that I should draw a low basic salary (of less than S$2,500 or US$1,700 per month) and be driven to earn the extra income through the promised 4 per cent of commissions given for sales that I close.
Seeing that it was the first offer to come after I had been jobless for some months and therefore desperate, I signed on the dotted line. Whatever the low pay, I told myself, I was determined to bring in the additional bacon through my contacts in the industry.
However, on first being handed the account to handle, I saw that it was a mess and for the first three months of my stint, I was constantly fighting fires internally and with the client, a major player in the Financial Services vertical.
Documentation on the scope of the project, much less the delivery of phase one due that month, was almost non-existent. There was a clear misunderstanding of the scope of work to be done between both parties, resulting in many unpleasant meetings where I was, being the point man, constantly given the dressing down on behalf of the mistakes that the company made before my participation.
Nobody in the company wanted to take full responsibility either. There was no clear designation as to who the project manager (PM) was, while the lead engineer who doubled up as the temporary PM was someone who did not like to communicate and it was left to me to often metaphorically kick his butt for updates that I need as the account manager to present to the client.
Things became so bad that I decided that if nobody was going to do it, I’ll have to do it. That I did by utilizing my past experiences managing projects of this scale — I took over the responsibilities of not only the PM, but I also became a pre-sales consultant and spent time with the client to take down all their requirements and properly documented them for the client’s sign-off. I also oversaw that what the client wanted was being developed and ready for delivery.
And after three months, throughout which time I had no real time to pursue actual sales numbers but had lined up a few potential deals to realize by December, I turned the project around. This I did with my boss’ knowledge and after she asked my help to turn the project around with my experience.
Today, phase one of the project has been delivered and the client is happy. Phase two is underway and the project is now running smoothly without my intervention. In addition, a couple of deals are coming to fruition soon by the first week of December with the clients already indicating that they are going to award us the projects.
Then came this shock, even as I pointed out that I was the one who turned the project around and my boss agreed so, I was to be judged on the sales figures and they had to let me go in view of the miserable figure so far.
So, yes, I am bitter about it, and I made it very much known to my boss at our final meeting last Shabbat evening. I came home a rather bitter and angry man.
Yet, while talking to Sidharth last weekend, he reminded me to give thanks in whatever situation — something that I myself have written about but regrettably not practiced in my bitterness over the incident.
And God has also taught me after my long prayer this morning (that sounded more like the book of Lamentations in my opinion, lol!) two lessons, the second of which the LORD sent Sidharth (again, he’s such a blessing!) to reinforce through a post of his that he wrote previously and that which I have never read prior to the conversation:
1. To give thanks. In the account of the 10 lepers who were healed, only one, a Samaritan at that, turned back to fall to his knees and give thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ. (Luke 17:11-19, ESV)
2. To surrender, to bring to the Lord Jesus Christ our lives, and what we have. In the account of the feeding of the five thousand, our Lord Jesus Christ said to the Apostles “Bring them here to me”, referring to the five loaves and two fish, and He prayed and blessed the bread and fish, and fed the five thousand to satisfaction with twelve full baskets of leftovers! (Matthew 14:13-21, ESV)
I shall share what I learned in these two lessons in later posts, as I think I have taken up much of your time already with this long, bitter post.
I do know that the LORD has plans laid up for me, so I pray that you’ll remember me in your prayers to know His Will and to do it. It also dawned very clearly to me last night watching a sermon online that we don’t say to God “If you, oh God, shall provide, I shall go” but when we seek and know His Will for us, it is a case where God shall tell us “Go, and I shall provide”.
How very true!
Shalom Aleichem.
Picture by Sue McKee.
Tags: Anger, Bitterness, Career, Christian Living, Future, Pre-Sales, Project Management, Surrender, Thanksgiving
Posted by channelofhealing on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Oh Sicarii, am so sorry that you are bitter but am grateful for the last part of this post seems like you have found the inner strenght that only comes from surrendering all to the Holy Ghost. and No you didn’t take up our time for this is daily life issues… I realise you found yourself not being able to practise what you preach at the time but you are not alone inthat honestly, it’s human nature to feel used and angry but the fact still remains that God is the one that repays and you might… wonder why Now, why after everything! Only God knows I tell you, but one thing you can be sure of is that God will never leave you nor forsake you.
funny enough the last to posts on my blog kind of points to such situations for when the Holy Spirit led me to post them last week I obeyed.
let me stop here will remember you in Prayers and our God answers Prayers. The thing is to know His will and stay in it .
I trust you will keep asking to know His will for your life
Godbless
Posted by Casey on 26.11.07 at 14:07
I’ll be praying for you Isaiah. I know there will be something out there for you.
Posted by Adullamite on 26.11.07 at 14:07
I find your honesty encouraging, this sort of post speaks to us all.
Channel fo healings post is useful right enough, as are the last few verses of Habbakuk.
Just don’t let resentment set in, and worry not.
Easy to say, but hard to do.
Posted by Carol on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Isaiah,
I think we’ve all gone through a situation like this to one degree or another. We’ve been dealt with unfairly so you’re not alone. Sidharth gave some excellent advice and I’m glad he was a comfort to you. I’d also like to add that this is an opportunity for you to trust in the Lord. It can be scary business but if you remember that you are where God wants you to be and that He has ordered all of your steps, that should also bring comfort. And when you come to fully realize and accept this, then you should look forward to what the Lord has in store for you because of your complete trust. Please think on these verses….
The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him. Nahum 1:7
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. Psalm 37:24
Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7
Thou, which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth. Psalm 71:20
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heaert, and my portion for ever. Psalm 73:26
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greately rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. Psalm 28:7
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me. Psalm 138:7
The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. Psalm 18:2
Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:3-5
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5,6
Therefore take no thought, saying What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. Matt 6:31,32
Blessed is the man that maketh the Lord his trust,…Psalm 40:4
They that trust in the Lord shall be as mount Zion, which cannot be removed, but abideth for ever. Psalm 125:1
I will be praying for you tonight Isaiah. Please keep us updated as to what the Lord is doing in your life - I want to see Him work.
God bless,
Carol
Posted by childlife on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Oh, Isaiah! I’m so sorry! And I can certainly understand the hard feelings - the way things happened were dreadfully unfair. If I have learned anything though, it is that God is faithful and that God’s plan is always the best plan. I firmly believe that He has something better for you. I will be praying that your spirit will be lifted up and encouraged as you wait for His will to be revealed. I pray that your wait will be short!
Posted by Sicarii on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Dear ChannelofHealing,
Thank you so much for that post! It spoke directly to me, and worry not, for God is still my LORD and my God!
I am fully confident that God has something in store for me. Perhaps it’s because I have a natural tendency to be an optimist (which I assure you is a bad thing in some cases), I am not feeling down about this now. I believe it’s a plus because it means I am then now able to pray and look forward to what the LORD shall let me know regarding His Will for me.
Thank you for your prayers, I really appreciate it! And I am really touched that all of you are praying for me too. All your love and encouragement have lifted me up!
God bless, and Shalom!
Posted by Sicarii on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Dear Casey,
Thank you for your encouragement and prayers, my dear brother!
God bless, and Shalom!
Posted by Sicarii on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Dear Adullamite,
Indeed, it is very hard to do when we get the short end of the stick ourselves and have to really re-examine ourselves and our attitudes.
Thank you for your advice and encouragement. Fret not, for I have not let resentment set in. In fact, I have had my ex-colleagues call me and telling me how unfair they thought my dismissal had been, and when I heard what the company-wide email announcing my departure said, I laughed it off though I was initially quite angry that they wrote such nonsense.
I pray that you are well, my friend.
God bless, and Shalom!
Posted by Sicarii on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Dear Carol,
Wow, thank you, sister, for taking the time to quote me all those verses as encouragement! I really really appreciate it!
I am uplifted by your concern and definitely encouraged by what the Word says about the concern the LORD has for us because He knows we shall face trials like these.
My trust is full in the LORD, and in many instances I think that this might be the LORD’s way of drawing me to totally surrendering my life to Him like I said I would but have yet to fully done so.
Thank you for your prayers, and I shall definitely update everyone whatever happens!
God bless, and Shalom!
Posted by Sicarii on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Dear Michelle,
Amen to what you said, Michelle!
Don’t be sorry, I don’t feel sorry about it anymore, nor am I bitter and resentful anymore.
I couldn’t sleep well for two nights worrying about the bills to pay and the Christmas season ahead, but just yesterday morning I prayed long and hard and now have peace in my heart and shall trust in the LORD that He has the best plans for me.
I shall actively seek His Will for me and I pray I shall have the resolve and guts to do it regardless what it shall be.
Thank you for your encouragement and your prayers, I am touched and really appreciate it. I, too, pray that the God lifts the trial off my shoulders before too long. ;-)
God bless, and Shalom!
Posted by Shalene on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Oh, Isaiah, I am so sorry to hear about your misfortune, in the job market. Perhaps this is just one way for God to make a way, where you’ve said you felt called anyway. You did say you felt called to minister, correct? Could your job have been holding you back from doing just that? I don’t know, that was a question, for you to ask yourself. I’m not trying to give trite responses to your frustration, so please don’t take it as such. Neither am I trying to give you pat solutions to your bitterness. I know how it feels to be given a less than glowing report from a superior. I haven’t been a stay at home mom all that long.
I shall be praying for you my friend. Blessings to you and Shalom.
Posted by Sicarii on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Dear Shalene,
Thank you! I appreciate your honesty and being straightforward with me in all this, sister.
I do feel the call to be so, but I’m still afraid to step out of the ‘comfort zone’ where I always know that there’s a pay packet from which I can pay bills from and feed my wife and I.
Yet, that sermon where it says that God is one who works thus: He shall say to us “Go, and I shall provide” is perhaps a good jolt to me!
Thank you for praying for me, and I shall pray too that His Will be revealed to me. I look very much forward to what God shall ask of me! Whether I shall remain apprehensive of stepping up to the plate is another factor that I shall pray about too.
God bless, and Shalom!
Posted by channelofhealing on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Praise the Lord!!! Oh Sicarii God knows my heart is glad to know that you are responding positively to this and am also going to tell you that waiting upon the Lord is never a waste of Time for the Bible says in Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not Faint.
I prayed for you last night too and I know that our God that answers by fire will answer you today … just wait and see he will surely come for He never comes late and remember all things work together for to those who love God
Thanks for the compliment on the new blog look all Glory goes to the lord for everything
Posted by Sicarii on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Dear ChannelofHealing,
Thank you so so much for your prayers! I am very sure that the LORD has heard you and everyone who has been so kind to pray for me, because all throughout today I have been uplifted and the LORD has shown me His Word and encouraged me many times over!
The LORD led me to Psalm 40 and Psalm 121, and Psalm 145 which I just learned today is an acrostic Psalm, which each verse starting with the successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet!
God bless you, sister!
Shalom Aleichem.
Posted by Chris Jericho on 26.11.07 at 14:07
Hello webmaster…I Googled for jericho city of praise, but found your page about ste Bitterness? Yes, Much! | Joie de Vivre…and have to say thanks. nice read.